With Special Guests… The Captain & TennillePosted on December 4, 2011 – 10:02 PM | by Admin
After another victorious round for the unofficial MidMo pub trivia team, handing defeat once again to the dreaded Team America; a table of empty pint glasses and ashtrays besoddened with butts told us that we had another task to prepare for – the bi-annual reviewing of CDs sent to the MidMo Corporate HQ.
We grabbed a couple more 6-packs on the way to Herb’s palatial retreat with our good friends and fellow ‘70s recording artists – The Captain & Tennille. It promised to be a woozy, cuss-laden fun-fest. Cigarettes, both serious and funny, were had as we lounged around slurring in some nether language known only to us.
The following are the actual transcripts.
The Cast of Characters:
P – The Ripened Peaches
H – The Gracious Herb
C – The Good Captain
T – The Saucy Tennille
Instagon – Sleepwalking
H – Hey! Dan’s on here! [ed note: Dan Quillan a.k.a. Art Lessing] I love Dan.
C – We should smoke pot in the house.
H – I fake own this house so we can do whatever we want. So, you know this guy? I don’t know this guy.
P – Yes. Lob.
H – Where does he go? Where does he hang out? I’ve seen his picture on the Internet but I don’t know him.
P – Lob’s a mysterious character.
H – He’s got a beard that is…noble. (listens to music) I expected this to be more heavy. I thought I wouldn’t be able to take it.
H – Hey, who’s got a light? Captain? Tennille?
P – You’re the Captain?
H – Of course she’s The Captain!
H – I’m into this. This is my favorite. Let’s listen this whole CD. I love this! I really didn’t expect to.
C – I don’t really like it.
P – You don’t? You like more melody?
C – I’m not affected by it at all.
P – Is this like background music to you? That’s why you’re not Peaches & Herb. Because Peaches & Herb loves this kind of stuff.
H – I hope we get 500 words out of five hours of this…
C – Remember…no expectations. That’s the only way to go into it.
Conversation turns to how to blow off our deadline and a litany of excuses are imagined. Due to the “sensitive nature” of what was said, we skip to where Tennille has a crisis of faith…
T – I don’t want to be on here.
P – Huh?
T – Is there like a filter I can speak with?
Talk shifted to convincing Tennille that it will be COMEDY GOLD – a bald-faced lie. A series of pseudonyms and initials came and went and then we smoked 13 cigarettes on the patio. On the way out, Herb and Peaches had the following exchange… (about the Instagon CD)
P – I really like this.
H – Yeah. It’s really obtuse.
P – This is cool right here!
H – Yeah, it’s pretty dance-y and cute. I like the adorability. I never thought that Instagon would be so cute….. Where’s the girl singer? (“sings”) la la laaaa!
Sleeper Agent – Celabrasion
H – Also adorable, amiright?
P – Are these Japanese people living in America?
C – On Mom & Pop Records
P – They love their mom and pop. Once again, I am going to say they sound Japanese.
H – This doesn’t say Sacramento. Why do we have this? That first song was a fucking crazy song!
P – That whole thing was the first song?
H –Yeah, that rollercoaster…
H – Sleeper Agent has made me turn them down. After such a strong start…
T – Except when it got weird right at the end.
Peaches picks up CD case to find out if they’re Japanese
P – Are they? Let’s see…Los Angeles. They’re fake Japanese!
H – We’re not allowed to make Asian jokes in Midtown Monthly.
P – Next song…
H – Yeah, yeah. OK.!
P – Was that the theme song to the show ‘Friends’?
H – They reminded me of those friends and all their problems.
Next song comes on and everyone lets out a collective moan
H – Oh no! I’m gonna skip!
Next track, a catchy/sparkly lil’ voice ‘n’ percussion intro.
P – The beginning. I predict it’s going to change and…
H –…and then it going to piss me off!
P – Yep! It’s going to kick in…ah, ah, ah…now!
Song kicks in, everyone laughs
H – It’s not bad…it could’ve been worse.
P – Kepi needs to make milk from his teats and give it to these people.
P – “Recorded in New York, New York.” They’re not even from Sacramento. Fuck these guys! I give them 3 out of 5. How about you?
T – About the same.
P – Captain?
C – A 3.5.
T – Out of five?
C – Yeah.
H – A solid 3.5.
Soft Science – Highs and Lows
H – These guys were the California Oranges, right? Matt and Ross Levine…
P – Ahhh…yeah! It’s the Levine boys!
C- This one’s called “Something to Go On.”
H – I like this one better already.
T – That start sounded like a Strokes beginning.
H – I know! Oh no…we’re talking shit about this CD! Peaches!
P – Huh? What?
C & H – Say something nice about it!
T – I’m just describing it!
P – Here’s the thing…anytime you hear something and the first thing that you think of is another and better band…
H – Yeah, that’s it. The album’s boring. And we feel bad because these guys are local.
C – I want to hear one more. The next one is called “Take It Back.”
H – This is a Baby Grand song. But it’s like four years later.
P –That one song sounded like The Primitives Crash album. It is very much a throwback and it’s not baaaaad it’s just something I’ve heard for the last 20 years already.
H – I like this song!
P – This is a lovely song right here! Yeah! Kinda reminds me of Stereolab a little bit and – oh, what were they called…from Sacramento…Rocketship! Early Rocketship.
H – I think these guys might have been in Rocketship. They have been playing around forever.
Forever Goldrush –
The Amador Frequency
P – I’m going to be completely impartial.
H – Dude, think about Mason (DeMusey, bass player for Forever Goldrush AND Soft Science)!
P – I love Mason.
H – Exactly! Think about Damon.
P – I love Damon.
First track starts
P – Dang, that tambourine’s high in the mix!
T – I like a good tambourine.
P – You probably liked Traci Partridge.
T – Well, mostly it was because I made my start playing tambourine.
P – They’ve done songs that have reduced me to tears before. His voice is so great. Damon, don’t ever get larynx surgery!
Next track “Come On” starts
H – This is the one I like.
P – Because you haven’t liked anything else so far?
H – Oh shut up! I love this song! It’s so my ‘90s.
P – This song…ohhhhhhh it’s soooo perfect!
H – Ahhh, I love this sooooong!
P – This is THE song!
H – Midtown Monthly readership, buy this album! Give Forever Goldrush your money!
The Nickel Slots – S/T
H – Can we talk about this song? It’s terrible!
T – The first song was good.
H – Yeah, it was. This is so heavy! I thought they were more country. This is really metal…I’m sorry, Peaches, do you have an opinion? What do you think? (long pause) Say something!
P – I think this is a really great tape recorder. I don’t even know how a cassette could fit in there. And I’m using the Nickel Slots band sticker as a beer coaster. That’s what I think of the band! Wait…what do I think of the band?
H – They’re too hard, right? I thought they were more twang.
P – This is my first exposure to the Nickel Slots.
H – Let’s just move along to the next song.
Next track plays
H – Gawd! I’m so crazy about 4/4 time that I like this band again.
C – Blondie.
P – Oh, completely! That was totally a Blondie riff right there.
H – We could just listen to Blondie…OK, wait…one more.
Listen to next track for 3 seconds before turning it off.
H – Let’s just listen to records on the stereo.
We hope that you enjoyed this latest installment of “Peaches & Herb Drink Beer and Review Some CDs” and a big “Muskrat Love” to our special guests, The Captain & Tennille. Keep sending those CDs and we will review them. Or whatever it is we do, y’know?
Midtown Monthly, 980 9th Street #175, Sacramento, CA, 95814